Hi Leah! I’m going to go through each poem in order to make it easier. The first twitter poem I really like. I think that the use of the word weaving is very visual and I like that - and it’s also very relatable being in new york city! I can picture myself in this situation. The only critique I would have is I would use a different hashtag than running. Maybe even ending the tweet poem writing, “I am #determined” The second tweet poem is great as well. I think it’s really cool that you decided to write the first two parts of the tweet as if the friends and family were there with you, but the last part of the tweet shows that you are staring at photographs. Great job on this one!! The third tweet I like the hashtag - I could totally see this being used on twitter.. and i might start using it! haha :) I also really like both haikus. The only criticism I would have is of the first haiku - I think I would use a different word than killing because the rest of the poem seems to be positive about fall and I would keep it that way! Rather than saying the wind kills the nature, but it is turning the leaves a different color and making them crunch which is a great time of year.. so I would use a different word than killing. Just a suggestion! Overall nice job.
I really liked your first twitter poem. After I read it I realized that I am one of those people that ends up staring at runners that are weaving through people. Very relatable. I also really liked your second Haiku...but I didn’t like the feeling it gave me at the end! It was such a simple message that would make any college student this time of year shudder. Loved it! The only suggestion I have is to maybe take out the ‘ing’ in the last haiku and ad in another one syllable word so it feels more direct.
Hey! I loved the image you created in your first poem of the runner weaving through the streets of New York. I liked your first one because you were successfully able to create an image in my head in such a short amount of space. However the hashtag does not add as much to the poem so maybe you would consider making it more powerful, less obvious. The second poem is definitely relatable to a large portion of us, and you were successfully able to create that longing emotion. I loved the surprise at the end of your second haiku, as I was not expecting it to be about finals. However, I do not think that the bolding adds so much, and maybe it makes the surprise a little too glaring. Great job!
I really connected to your descriptions of "running" and dealing with Mondays and homesickness. Perhaps you can employ more "showing" than telling to really make these descriptions stand out. For example, your Mondays Tweet uses the following abstractions: long, filled, overwhelm, worried, handle, time. Spice it up a little!! :)
As for your haikus, I like that besides the tension of the wind killing nature, there was also an inherent tension with the bright leaves- "Alive" and the "killing." The bright color conceals the truth about the killing winter months. Great job!
I did not really understand the second haiku, Who is the man in red? What do finals have to do with snow? Finals happen in both seasons. Sorry for being nitpicky!
I really loved your poems! I think you did a great job at making the twitter poems into a great poem on their own but then adding the hashtag that describes the moment just brought it to a whole new level. I loved the first poem: firstly, because it was the first time that I was reading your poems and also because I didnt know exactly what was happening but then when the hashtag came I was really able to connect. I loved how all the twitter poems went together and really described a day in the life of the reader. I would say maybe do more show not tell of the word "nature" in the haiku poem. awesome job!
Your twitter poems do a great job at capturing the rush of college life, on top of that: being in the city, and on top of that: it being a monday. I don't know if you meant for all of the twitter poems to connect like that, but I definitely see them as building one upon the other. The second twitter poem "friends, family, memories" seems a bit vague. I would love to see something more specific there that gives and even more vivid imagery. Your haiku's are great. I especially love the line about wind killing nature. I happen to love the look of the bare trees in the winter but i still think thats a great line. Again, you did a really good job capturing your surroundings in works.
I like how the hashtags could possibly serve as a title to each cute, unique poem. Great job on that! In the first haiku, I found your juxtaposition of "alive" and "killing" quite interesting. I think this captured Fall's contradicting feel really well. I also really like your second haiku, reminding us of the jolly weather that brings the "horror" of finals. One thing I would critique, it would be to unbold the last line.. I think it over exaggerates the feeling that it already gives off without it. Great job!
Hi Leah! I’m going to go through each poem in order to make it easier. The first twitter poem I really like. I think that the use of the word weaving is very visual and I like that - and it’s also very relatable being in new york city! I can picture myself in this situation. The only critique I would have is I would use a different hashtag than running. Maybe even ending the tweet poem writing, “I am #determined”
ReplyDeleteThe second tweet poem is great as well. I think it’s really cool that you decided to write the first two parts of the tweet as if the friends and family were there with you, but the last part of the tweet shows that you are staring at photographs. Great job on this one!! The third tweet I like the hashtag - I could totally see this being used on twitter.. and i might start using it! haha :)
I also really like both haikus. The only criticism I would have is of the first haiku - I think I would use a different word than killing because the rest of the poem seems to be positive about fall and I would keep it that way! Rather than saying the wind kills the nature, but it is turning the leaves a different color and making them crunch which is a great time of year.. so I would use a different word than killing. Just a suggestion! Overall nice job.
I really liked your first twitter poem. After I read it I realized that I am one of those people that ends up staring at runners that are weaving through people. Very relatable. I also really liked your second Haiku...but I didn’t like the feeling it gave me at the end! It was such a simple message that would make any college student this time of year shudder. Loved it! The only suggestion I have is to maybe take out the ‘ing’ in the last haiku and ad in another one syllable word so it feels more direct.
ReplyDeleteHey! I loved the image you created in your first poem of the runner weaving through the streets of New York. I liked your first one because you were successfully able to create an image in my head in such a short amount of space. However the hashtag does not add as much to the poem so maybe you would consider making it more powerful, less obvious.
ReplyDeleteThe second poem is definitely relatable to a large portion of us, and you were successfully able to create that longing emotion.
I loved the surprise at the end of your second haiku, as I was not expecting it to be about finals. However, I do not think that the bolding adds so much, and maybe it makes the surprise a little too glaring.
Great job!
I really connected to your descriptions of "running" and dealing with Mondays and homesickness. Perhaps you can employ more "showing" than telling to really make these descriptions stand out. For example, your Mondays Tweet uses the following abstractions: long, filled, overwhelm, worried, handle, time.
ReplyDeleteSpice it up a little!! :)
As for your haikus, I like that besides the tension of the wind killing nature, there was also an inherent tension with the bright leaves- "Alive" and the "killing." The bright color conceals the truth about the killing winter months.
Great job!
I did not really understand the second haiku, Who is the man in red? What do finals have to do with snow? Finals happen in both seasons. Sorry for being nitpicky!
I really loved your poems!
ReplyDeleteI think you did a great job at making the twitter poems into a great poem on their own but then adding the hashtag that describes the moment just brought it to a whole new level.
I loved the first poem: firstly, because it was the first time that I was reading your poems and also because I didnt know exactly what was happening but then when the hashtag came I was really able to connect.
I loved how all the twitter poems went together and really described a day in the life of the reader.
I would say maybe do more show not tell of the word "nature" in the haiku poem.
awesome job!
Your twitter poems do a great job at capturing the rush of college life, on top of that: being in the city, and on top of that: it being a monday. I don't know if you meant for all of the twitter poems to connect like that, but I definitely see them as building one upon the other. The second twitter poem "friends, family, memories" seems a bit vague. I would love to see something more specific there that gives and even more vivid imagery.
ReplyDeleteYour haiku's are great. I especially love the line about wind killing nature. I happen to love the look of the bare trees in the winter but i still think thats a great line. Again, you did a really good job capturing your surroundings in works.
I like how the hashtags could possibly serve as a title to each cute, unique poem. Great job on that!
ReplyDeleteIn the first haiku, I found your juxtaposition of "alive" and "killing" quite interesting. I think this captured Fall's contradicting feel really well.
I also really like your second haiku, reminding us of the jolly weather that brings the "horror" of finals. One thing I would critique, it would be to unbold the last line.. I think it over exaggerates the feeling that it already gives off without it.
Great job!