With No Choice, I Train (Sestina #2)
I wake up in the morning and the first thing I do is breath
Today marks another day of training
I get out of bed and tie up my shoe without
stopping
If I think about it I will never make it to the pavement
How will I ever travel 8 miles?
Stop thinking, just go
for your run
These thoughts are always present before I run
I just need to breathe
Do not think about the
miles
It's been 3 treacherous months of training
On the pavement
Without stopping
You will do this and
you will not let anything stop
You from running
It’s time to pound on that pavement
You will lose your
breath
You will increase your
training
I will start with my music and the first mile
Hitting the third mile
This athlete can’t be
stopped
This is the amount you
normally train
I’m reaching mile 4 of running
I’m breathing
Trying not to focus on my feet hitting the pavement
Need to keep my eyes from looking at the pavement
Only 3 more miles
Breath
With two miles left I feel a sense of stopping
You better keep running
I will keep training
Or you can take that train
How much longer is this pavement?
I need to be done with this run
Only one more mile
Just lip sing to the
music or you’ll stop
I inhale a deep breath
I stop running and breathing gets heavier
Officially traveled 8 miles on the pavement
Now sleep before another round of training
The determination of the speaker is depicted successfully throughout the poem. I like how there are moments where the speaker feels like giving up but then continues to run, because it indicates that he/she is only human and doubts themselves from time to time. I really like the line "time to pound on that pavement" because there is a subtle alliteration there and it also illustrates the speaker's perseverance. I don't understand why certain parts of the poem are italicized since the whole poem is the speaker's thoughts- I would suggest leaving them in the normal font. Other than that, great poem!
ReplyDeleteI like how this poem is not trying to be super sophisticated or artsy. What becomes more important in this poem is the speaker's voice-the reader really gets inside of the speaker's head and experiences everything that is taking place within the mundane actiivity of going for a run. I would maybe like to see longer lines, I would keep the tone the same (meaning keep without the overly complex kind of words because its whats working for this poem), but more lines would in my opinion make this more substantial and solid. Great job!
ReplyDeleteI like that you embraced the opportunity to write another sestina! Great job- and great choice in topics. I particularly liked the lines in this poem that used words repetitively to help with the rhythm. For example, in the second/third/fourth stanzas, you repeat similar words at the beginning of the lines to give the poem "bounce."
ReplyDelete"You will lose your breath
You will increase your training"
AND
"This athlete can’t be stopped
This is the amount you normally train."
Although I was able to "feel" the descriptions of the speaker's running experience, some lines were not as realistic than others: "Observing my feet hit the pavement." I am not sure that a runner, in the intense way you have described, is even able to pay attention to his own feet. "Observed" seems to deviate from the overall mood that you successfully incorporated into the poem. Small changes to words like that will really help perfect this poem.
:))
Hi!! The topic of exercise is a good fit for this formal style of poem, because it contains a lot of repetitive movements. You successfully captured the self motivation that it requires to wake up early and train, and I found myself cheering you on!!
ReplyDeleteBecause of the repetitive end words, I feel that some of the stanzas are also slightly repetitive in their words and subject matter. The mention of listening to music broke up the repetitiveness a little bit, so maybe adding in more of those specific little details would improve the poem! I would love to see some description of the weather- maybe how dark it is when you leave early in the morning and how it gets lighter outside as the miles go on. I also struggled with this repetitiveness when writing a sestina, and I found that using interesting words or images in the first part of the sentence shifts the focus from the repetitive end word while still retaining the proper form of the poem.
Also, the whole time I was wondering if the speaker was training for a specific event- this is probably not so necessary to mention, but I was curious :)
Great poem with lots of potential!!
Hi!! The topic of exercise is a good fit for this formal style of poem, because it contains a lot of repetitive movements. You successfully captured the self motivation that it requires to wake up early and train, and I found myself cheering you on!!
ReplyDeleteBecause of the repetitive end words, I feel that some of the stanzas are also slightly repetitive in their words and subject matter. The mention of listening to music broke up the repetitiveness a little bit, so maybe adding in more of those specific little details would improve the poem! I would love to see some description of the weather- maybe how dark it is when you leave early in the morning and how it gets lighter outside as the miles go on. I also struggled with this repetitiveness when writing a sestina, and I found that using interesting words or images in the first part of the sentence shifts the focus from the repetitive end word while still retaining the proper form of the poem.
Also, the whole time I was wondering if the speaker was training for a specific event- this is probably not so necessary to mention, but I was curious :)
Great poem with lots of potential!!
I love the topic that you chose to write this sestina on, and even more so, that you chose to write another one since I found mine such a challenge to write. You were successfully able to create the intensity of a run, with the constant push to move forward. As a runner, I definitely was able to relate to the images you created.
ReplyDeleteOnly thing I would say is that there does not seem to be such a strong sense of rhythm as the lines vary in length a lot. Maybe if they were more similar to each other, it would create a better flow to the poem?
Overall great job!
I love the topic that you chose to write this sestina on, and even more so, that you chose to write another one since I found mine such a challenge to write. You were successfully able to create the intensity of a run, with the constant push to move forward. As a runner, I definitely was able to relate to the images you created.
ReplyDeleteOnly thing I would say is that there does not seem to be such a strong sense of rhythm as the lines vary in length a lot. Maybe if they were more similar to each other, it would create a better flow to the poem?
Overall great job!